OCEANS ENTERPRISES 
publishers and distributors of books of interest 
to the professional and sport scuba diver.

OUR STAFF !!

You have probably already met the boss, Peter Stone, but behind every successful company is a dedicated and industrious staff of loyal and intelligent people, dedicated to providing you with the greatest service possible. Living in a small Australian rural town however restricts our choice of potential employees, but they do their best and providing they are paid occasionally, dedicate themselves to the cause of raising our status to being bigger and better than Amazon, and knocking Bill Gates and Microsoft for being too greedy and providing inferior products that seem to crash more frequently than a Nissan Bluebird. 
 
 
Take Ernie for example. He is our credit manager, but some people in the industry call him the enforcer. We have no idea why, as he is a charming man except when he has had a few light ales, or when Collingwood have lost a game. The good thing is that since Ernie has taken over credit management we have had no bad debts - well, not for long anyway. Just as well, as we do have a few court cases coming up which all, only coincidentally we're sure, involve Ernieand broken bones. Not his we might add. We reckon his tactics in obtaining our hard-earnt money is no different to the high standard set by our (ex) Premier Kennett and the Victorian State Government in extracting their taxes. At least when we recover any monies due, we spent it wisely - on ourselves. Come to think of it, that is just what the Victorian Government does, so we must be doing something right. Perhap we should open a casino. Ernie doesn't go diving any more. Last time he went a shark nuzzled Ernie and Ernie bit the shark.  No divemaster will take him out now.

Then there's Arrfa. He's a sweet guy
(we think - well, we know he is sweet, 
but not sure about the guy bit).
 Arrfa looks after our ordering and is always on the lookout for new titles. We got a bit upset when he order 10,000 copies of Dive Sites of South Africa as we reckon he may have had a vested interest in the place, but we have sold two copies anyway. Arrfa jogs a lot, hence the towel on his head, and likes to check out all the new dive sites. He is always a hit on a dive boat as he doesn't have to wear a wet suit - cute don't you think. At our annual fancy dress party he arrived wearing jocks and said he was a Premature Ejaculation. How's that, we asked. "I've come in my underpants," he said. He drank with the boys most of the night.
We don't allow any form of sexual harrassment in our office - so we have beach parties instead. Phil Attelic, our Office Manager, is a sentimental bloke and has had the stamp on Gertrude the filing clerk for some time. Gerty is not always happy with the things that Phil wants filed, and she is not too sure about his hat which he never seems to remove - 'never' said Gerty. But they get on rather well in the filing room and we reckon its important to develop happy staff relations.
Okay, you may think that our office parties get a bit carried away, but this is George, our Finance Manager. Sometimes we are strapped for cash and George, (we call him Georgi sometimes), pawns his suit and tie and meditates standing up. Thats dedication for you. They did a statue of him for the Victorian Arts Centre. He reckons he is a bit of a connoisseur - with the arts, footy, six-packs and all that. He prefers a cafe late to a cappuccino. But he always comes up with the goods and gets us out of strife. Sometimes however there is confusion in the office as George has an uncanny resemblance to The Boss. Must be the Y-fronts.
This is Burnsy, our Secondhand Manager holding one his balls. Like The Boss, he has been married several times. He is pretty tied up now with his secretary Gracie who was a real wag in the office. She took a call from an operator who said it was a long distance from London. "I know," she said, and hung up. Another time she told her boss that there was an Hawaiian on the phone. "How do you know he is an Hawaiian", Burnsy asked. "Because he said he was Brown from the Morning Sun". But we all love her dearly. The Boss named his dog after her. Burnsy is getting on in years and has retired now. At his farewell he said, "It's great to be standing here this evening - in fact, at my age it is great to be standing anywhere. If I had realised I would live for so long I would have taken better care of myself". Dear Burnsy. I hope he lives forever. We really do.
And this is The Boss - in a few years anyway - holding on to his snorkel as usual. Still interested in the sea but preferring the shallower dives close to shore. What a life!!!

STOP PRESS
He may be getting old but something is still working.
In April 1999, daughter Catherine made The Boss a grand-dad, with the arrival of beautiful baby Sienna.
You would think he would be content with that, but no, he just had to make another committment.  Wife Wendy presented The Boss with wonderful son  Sam,  born on 22 February 1999. 
Daughter Catherine and son Sam are thirty years apart - and Sam was an uncle at two months. Isn't life wonderful!

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