OCEANS ENTERPRISES 
publishers and distributors of books of interest 
to the professional and sport scuba diver.

 
THE WORD ACCORDING TO JIM CHURCH,
"teacher"

 
THE RULES OF CHURCHISM (in random order)
Latest version, and the last, as Jim sadly passed away 31 December 2002.

>01. Go potty every chance you get.
>02. Stay out of the sun.
>03. Avoid making promises.
>04. Never give undeserved gifts or praise.
>05. Beware of undeserved gifts or praise.
>06. Winning an argument may lose a friend.
>07. Never argue if you have nothing to gain.
>08. If you must do battle, fight with someone else's troops.
>09. Nothing is what it seems to be, and nothing turns out as expected.
>10. It's easier to change a plan than to have no plan.
>11. People don't change, they get older.
>12. Nobody can predict the future.
>13. What's here today is gone tomorrow, but nothing really changes.
>14. Don't say what you don't want repeated.
>15. An erect penis has no conscience.
>16. Never loan what you can't do without.
>17. Never borrow what you can't pay for.
>18. Have a check list and follow it.
>19. Never dive in water below 80 degrees F.
>20. Always pee in your dive suit.  (There's no such thing as a dry suit.)
>21. A fish moves faster than a camera shutter.
>22. Don't piss off the golden goose.
>23. There's no problem you can hide from.
>24. Imaginative minds can always find a new problem or complaint.
>25. Rules are made to be wondered about.
>26. When asking a group to assemble, no time is a good time.
>27. There's no such thing as a water-proof camera, strobe or housing.
>28. If you were smart enough to hide your stupidity, you wouldn't have to.
>29. The reason you dive is to get away from meaningless conversation.
>30. Always drink upstream from the herd.
>31. If you can't have a good time, be a good time.
>32. If someone else will do a dirty job, let them.
>33. Don't ask for it -- you just might get it.
>34. Whatever lens you choose, it won't fit your subject.
>35. Always hang your dripping wetsuit over someone else's locker.
>36. Don't shoot in the ocean what you can shoot in a pool.
>37. "Good enough" depends on whether your position resembles William Tell's or that of his son.
>38. Never fart if you are the first person to take a seat in first class.
>39. Heed George Washington's advice:  avoid entangling alliances.
>40. Avoid diving in Russian submarines unless you have a pony bottle.
>41. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
>42. A person who is nice to you, but is rude to the waiter, isn't a nice person.
>43. Trust everyone, but cut the cards.
>44. If at first you don't succeed, try viagra.
>45. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
>46. Work is good, but it's not that important.
>47. Be nice to your friends. You never know when you will need them to empty your bedpan.
>48. Nap whenever possible.
>49. It's better to have something and not need it, than to need something and not have it.
>50. Famous last words: "Oh, don't worry about that; it'll never happen."
>51. When all is said and done, much more will have been said than done.
>52. If you can't take good photos, go to Church and pray.
>53. Establish the location and supply of TP before the need arises
>54. Another person's lack of preparation or reading of directions isn't your immediate emergency.
>55. To start endless conversations, ask any group about o-ring grease.
>56. Exercise daily, and you will live five months longer--in a $5,000 a month nursing home.

Jim Church.
http://www.jimchurchphoto.com
With respect to Jim Church, this listing provided by Neville Skinner from the Jim Church website. May he rest in peace. 
 

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